Yes. Definitely. I'm not sticking to the rules strictly anymore however. Instead I am talking to any and everyone who looks interesting on any given day. Some days that results in zero conversations and others there can be several.

Yup! I've actually made a few friends, a couple of which are involved in the final challenge that Trevor issued me and another I talk to and text fairly regularly. I have plans with all of them to hang out with also. It's crazy how you just meet people sometimes by being loud and obnoxious. I'd really like to learn to tone down my obnoxiousness however, and turn up the volume on my real personality but just with more confidence and less cockiness. I really, really don't enjoy being cocky. It isn't me. I just end up worrying that I'm going to hurt someone's feelings. I dunno. I'm still thinking it over but we'll see how it goes.

Nope. I blame this squarely on myself of course. I do absolutely horrible in this regard. Probably something that I should focus on in a future challenge. Either I maintain too large of a distance or I smother the other person. I haven't heard this from anyone but I can feel my imbalances and I feel I could do better in that regard. 

Every day for the past fifty days I have had an enormous amount of stress and anxiety. This doesn't just come from talking to strangers, that's honestly not too hard if I'm interested now. The hard part is really maintaining the friendships now.

I want to get really personal and open here which is hard to do because many of my old and all of my new friends read these articles. I'm embarrassed by a lot of my quirks but this whole blog is filled to the brim with embarrassing facts that I would expect to be spurned for so why stop now? :)

My most frustrating issue is stepping up the level of intimacy without going hog wild crazy over it. Now, by intimacy I don't necessarily mean romantic. Even just between friends. I find that if I have established a friendship with someone I become afraid that they'll think I don't want to talk to them anymore and give up on me that I tell them too often and way too intensely how much I care. Like seriously, I wrote one person a couple of emails about my feelings for them. 

I think she's been really understanding of it but goddamn if it isn't the creepiest thing in the world for most people. I mean it's just way too much too soon. I get fixated and so focused in my goal of attaining a closer connection that I end up on the offensive and generate the potential to push people away.

I can't stop pressing on. Seriously. I'm addicted. Every day I am soo stressed. My English class' grade is so low, I'm sure I must be failing. I need to devote more time to school but I don't want to take time away from my social life.

I have never ever had this problem in the past and I'm trying to learn how to cope. This all goes back to that idea of me feeling like I always have to be immediately available to my friends. I just realize that I have some severe abandonment issues. No idea why, not sure that it matters either. I think that I need to let myself start letting my friends down sometimes.

As a for instance, one of my friends I text all of the time and talk to almost nightly on the phone. I love talking to her but I've been putting her ahead of school. So honestly part of that was because I was hoping something more than a friendship would spring up, but even now that I know that that probably won't happen I still am willing to do that. It isn't her fault. I know she'd tell me to get off the phone in an instant if she knew I was doing that but I haven't brought it up. I don't want it to come to that.

But it will. She doesn't let me impact her life like that. I think that she's got the right idea and that I've got to get my priorities in order.

I guess part of it is that it's just so hard for me to know when I'm being responsible and when I'm just avoiding a social interaction. Remember when I said I'm an introvert? Yeah I still am and I still have many a moment where I wish I could just say no to my friends just so I don't have to deal with social anxiety.

That brings me back to not being able to stop though. I am so afraid of falling back into the same guy I used to be that my top priority is to keep pushing myself forward. I'm afraid that if I take a shortcut that I will become a dramatically weaker person and I don't want to be. I don't want to fall back into my own introverted little world.

I mainly am just saying that to make myself feel better :D 

I want to let anyone else who may be trying this know that if you find yourself broken in two and a total nervous mess, you're not alone. This stuff is really really hard if you're like me or worse. 

I have once or twice needed to break down and just let it out a bit. Some awkward social situations hurt more than others so instead of trying to deny it to yourself, try to catch yourself "manning up" against your tears and invite them in. I've found that I learn the most surprising things about myself when I am going through the process of accepting myself (accepting that I want to cry is one way I've learned to accept myself).

This is another component to the stress I feel daily. I wouldn't say I feel the need to cry daily but I am definitely very tender every night before bed. Some of my friends (Like M!) like to screw with me and make me feel insecure. Other friends, who know who they are, cause me to redefine our friendship daily. It's no one's fault and it all helps me become a better person but it definitely is difficult.

There's so much to adjust to I think it'll just take me time to find my balance.

Openness. My biggest personal accomplishment is that I've been able to relate to women as a man and tell them when I think they're beautiful or attractive. I'm a goober about it I'm sure but I do it. Every time I do it, I'm left with a ball of stress in my stomach and a panic attack ready to happen but at least it gets done.

I realized this after a small cry the other day and it made me feel so much better. Have you ever listened to the song Standing Outside the Fire by Garth Brooks (beware: it is country)? Here's the thing... apparently country gets to my sentimental side. Egad! Anyway the song is about people who remain open and are willing to get hurt even when they are hurt time and time again. A life long goal of mine has been to be able to do that to some degree. While I'm not saying I'm great at it necessarily, I definitely caught myself doing it and I was elated that that just organically grew out of me. I felt extremely human and grateful for that at that point.

I can't stop pressing on. Seriously. I'm addicted. My social life has been extremely active and it's been a great change of pace to actually feel like I have a life. I used the bravery I learned from this experiment to throw together a somewhat last minute week long vacation in D.C. (I appreciate my couple of friends out that way who are making a lil time to hang out with me).

Another plus, I was able to sit next to the cutest girl in my class tonight and get us both to have a pretty good time for the most part. We apparently were smiling too much since the teacher stopped class twice to ask us why were smiling so much and laughing. I think she was hoping we were just really getting what she was saying but truth be-told, at least for me, I had checked out mentally and was just enjoying a good time. Way too afraid to get to know her further at any depth. But I'll at least try once by the end of the quarter. **shrugs** I will never forgive myself if I don't. Also, when I say "try" now, I mean really try to get to know her. Yes she's attractive and that sparks an initial interest but a couple of my friends have been helping me realize how not worth my time it is just to talk to someone because they're cute (Atri and Shane thanks for the insight even if you weren't always aware you were giving it). 

Also, I'm posting this. I'm scared to a bit. Some people apparently read these (as I stated above) and I feel uncomfortable being this naked with people that I only sorta know. I'd rather I didn't my readers at all or that I am completely comfortable with them. The middle zone is the territory where they can misinterpret you and then just ditch me. Whereas I won't notice if a stranger leaves (because I never knew them) if a person who's becoming a closer friend did, it would shake me to my core.

My final challenge is this Sunday, which at this point should be super easy, assuming everybody shows up.

Beyond that, like everyone of my weekends are filled through October with things to do with friends. I'm proud of that. I went from 0 life to packed life just because I learned to be comfortable enough with myself to say to a stranger. I don't think it's wise to have this busy of a social life because it can get in the way of school (work hasn't really been impacted by it yet).

Beyond all of that, I want to start doing bigger things. These little things aren't enough of a high anymore. I'm not 100% sure what I'm planning yet but one thing I'd love to do is crash a wedding. Can you crash a wedding by asking the bride/groom for permission? I'd hate to spoil their special day.

I'm sleepy. Hopefully this helps someone who, like me, feels like their life has been crazy since they started trying to "get" people.