Social Skydiving Day 7: Baby Justin's First Day at School
Hard Times
First lemme go over the first part of the day and then we'll discuss school a bit.
Off to a Good Start
Right off the bat, I get to socialize with a woman before my bus arrives. We talk a bit, she asks if I'm on my way to school because of the large black backpack I'm wielding. I would of course be going to school later but for now it's just filled with miscellaneous nerdy bric-a-brac (Kindle, iPhone, programming books, etc). So I tell her nope! No school, just on my way to work in downtown Seattle.
I actually initiated contact with her by saying hi as I walked past her as I was approaching where she was standing at my bus stop. Then she went to check the bus schedule that was right by me and I made some comment. I think I might've asked her if she'd been waiting a while already. She said yeah and sounded a lil concerned. I tried to comfort her a bit and said that the bus was probably going to be here any moment. The whole time I'm feeling like my will power to keep talking is being scrubbed against sand paper. Every word is a struggle that pains me. FInally the conversation dies.
After talking to her I boarded the bus and headed off towards work. I avoided eye contact with just about everyone. Another fail in my eyes. Something *BIG* needs to happen this week to rattle my cage and spur some serious improvement. After only a week I feel stagnant once again. Although, on a positive note, I'm feeling stagnantly comfy at very high social comfort level. I mean just talking to people even when I had an ice breaker was impossible before so it's still progress. I guess I'm just greedy and excited. I'm aiming to feel exhilarated and pressured all month long. I really feel as though I could be doing better.
Expanding My Comfort Zone at Work
At work in the break room I'm able to strike up a short lived conversation with a woman making herself lunch. I forget what exactly we talked about.... oh YEAH! I noticed she was literally freshly slicing and chopping vegetables for a salad so I commented that that looked really fresh and tasty. Then, of course, I breathed a sigh of relief that I was finally able to push the words out. More chit chat ensued. It's always easier after that initial bit of conversation but it's always at least a little difficult.
I remember the way it ended too. I said something, half jokingly, and she must not have heard me but even so it froze me all the same. I decided to stop talking and that really sucked. I'm tired of freezing and seizing. I'm going to come up with an action plan. Mark my words. This crap ain't over.
School's In for the Summer
Back to the nervousness and physical hell I was describing earlier. Today was my first day back at school. I was sociable but frightened like a little mouse. I gave myself a little goal of asking some guys about how to get a parking permit. I was pretty loud about because forcing the words out of my mouth were akin to dropping a bowling ball on a plate glass window. Pfft. Anyway, my final social interaction for the day was proactively offering to copy some page long assignment description off the board for some people who couldn't see it.
Graciousness, right? It's much easier to talk to people when you feel as though you're doing something to help them. Ironically, however, it's still harder than hell for me. It took me several glances to even offer it.
Anyway I'm tired. I wrote 75% of this post during class on a piece of paper during our break. Oh yeah! Also I had a run in with another cute girl on the bus who decided to sit with me on the way home. I totally flubbed it. Didn't talk to her at all and then when she asked me if I was getting off at a certain stop (because I motioned as though I was) I forced out a no that sounded almost like a scream. **palm to face** This has got to get easier at some point right?
